Romance Moviesto WorsenMy Depression
Honest ratings of love stories, measured in tissues, ice cream, and the odds you'll text someone you shouldn't.
How we measure the damage
Every film is tested on one reviewer, alone, on a Tuesday, with the lights off. Peer review is pending because none of my peers will watch these with me anymore.
- Sadness Barometer
- Atmospheric pressure of despair, from 0 (fair and emotionally stable) to 10 (call your mom).
- Tissue Count
- Tissues used per viewing. Sleeves count as two.
- Text-Your-Ex Risk
- Probability of sending "hey" to someone who blocked you in 2019.
- Ice Cream Pints Required
- Minimum dairy needed to reach the end credits.
- Unrealistic Expectations Index
- How thoroughly the film ruins actual dating. A 10 means your next date will be compared to a man who built a house.
- Ceiling-Staring Aftermath
- Minutes spent lying on your back after the credits, reconsidering everything.
The reviews
Spoilers ahead. Then again, the spoiler is always that you'll feel worse.
Rate your own heartbreak
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